


End This Winter

by softwolves



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Ex-convict Jongin, Fluff, M/M, Mild Angst, Slice of Life, Son of rice cake maker Kyungsoo, Sweet Rice Cake Making
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-07-06 10:09:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15883917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softwolves/pseuds/softwolves
Summary: To love Kyungsoo is an act too pure for Jongin, an ex-convict with too much sins and a haunting past.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is not as serious as the summary sounds. I promise.

The huge rusty gate makes a deafeningly creaking sound as the guard forces to close it. Jongin heaves a big sigh. It’s cold and the snow is piling. Adjusting his hair so that the bangs cover his eyes, he walks ahead.

Jongin does not look back.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly halfway writing this i kind of, starting to question what's the purpose of this story and it put my mood under the weather but then, i guess maybe this story do have a purpose. Maybe i would figure it out through writing the last chapter. So.. enjoy what's there...?

_It’s hard to find a job_ , Jongin notes in his head. Especially since he is also asking for a room to spare. He gingerly wipes off some snow on his thin sneakers, the only shoes he has. It’s been two days since he got out of prison and he still hasn’t gotten himself a job. Jongin is rushing it because he’s running out of money. He has some money in his bank account that his mother left him. It’s not much, and Jongin had withdrew some of it for food and a place to stay lest his wants to die in this harsh winter.

Jongin straightens out his back. The bed back at the cheap inn where he is temporarily staying now is much comfortable compared to the one he had behind the bars. He would like to lament more about his life but he catches something in his peripheral vision. A man with a small stature tumbles over nothing, sending his bags of red beans that he was carrying scattered on the side road.

His legs go forward first before he thinks. Jongin helps the man to stand on his feet again before lifting the bags one by one.

“Thank you.” The man mutters. His cheeks are red, probably because of both the embarrassment and the cold.

“It’s nothing. Are you okay?” He eyes the man who is dusting off the snow from his oversized winter coat that he is wearing. The man is at least half a head shorter than him and looks young enough to be someone who just graduated high school.

The other man tries to take the bags from Jongin. “Yes.” And then he gives him a smile. “Thank you so much for helping me.”

That is the first smile Jongin has ever received in years. It’s beautiful.

Jongin contemplates something. The man does not look like he can carry those five bags of red beans by himself. And there is a lot of snow on the road. It is easy to slip off on the ice again. “Do…do you want me to help you carry these?”

Hearing that, the smaller man looks like he just received the best gift ever. “Really? Am I not troubling you?”

Jongin just shakes his head.

“Then, please!” he smiles again.

 

 

-

 

 

After a 10 minute walk, they arrive at a two-storey building. It looks old but well kept. It is built with wood and concrete. Jongin reads the sign. ‘Do Tteok’, it says. They walk in through the back door.

It’s a rice cake shop.

“We’re closed today.” The other man informs him. “You can put those here,” he points to a wooden box filled with a few bags of mung beans.

Jongin carefully puts the bags one by one. When he’s done, he sees the smaller looks at him expectantly.

“Would you like some _tteokguk_? I made it before going out earlier.”

Jongin’s usual response when someone is offering him something is to say ‘no’. But he hasn’t ate anything today. Jongin rubs his neck, a habit he forms when he is feeling guilty and unsure. He was about to answer with ‘yes, please’ but the other man is already taking a chair and places it in front of a table.

“Sit down, I’ll get some for you.”

The bowl of rice cake soup is steaming when the man serves it in front of Jongin. He mutters a small thank before he digs in. The first spoon of broth immediately warms his mouth. It’s chicken.

“How is it?” The man who has sat himself opposite of Jongin asks.

“It’s good,” Jongin admits.

The man smiles, seemingly pleased. “I’m Do Kyungsoo. And this is the rice cake shop that my family runs. You are…?”

“Kim Jongin,” he answers shortly. Jongin is still not used to talk with other people. He does not know how much of himself he could reveal to the other party. He needs time to warm up to people.

Jongin is chewing the last slice of rice cake when another man comes into the kitchen. The man is a lot older, though he still looks like he could easily carry a few sacks of rice. Jongin wants to leave already.

“Dad,” Kyungsoo calls.

The old man raises his eyebrows, silently questioning his son of the presence of Jongin.

“He helped me carry those red beans I got earlier from Aunt Sori,” Kyungsoo answers before adding, “I forgot the trolley and fell on the ice again.”

“You have to be careful, Kyungsoo,” the old man sighs. He averts his attention to Jongin. “Thank you for helping my son. Usually there is someone who fetch and deliver raw food stocks for us but he is on leave today. And we are short on people generally.”

If earlier Jongin wants to get out of the place already, now Jongin is hoping for something. He timidly asks, “Are you hiring?”

The answer he receives is quick. “Yes. Are you interested?” The old man’s voice is already excited.

Jongin nods. “If I am of any use…”

“Of course you are!” Kyungsoo frowns.

But there is one more thing. Jongin gulps. “But I’m also in need of a room to stay. Do you have one? I don’t need much, a small room will do.” This request was what made his pleas for a job got declined before. Either there were no rooms, or they lied about having one. Jongin couldn’t blame them though.

Kyungsoo looks at his father. The old man looks like he is in a deep thought.

A few minutes passed until the man nods. “We do have one. But your monthly pay will be cut half in exchange for the room fee and food. Meal is served three times a day and you’ll be eating with us, the family. Is that okay?”

This is the first time in years that Jongin wants to get down on his knees and thank the heaven.

 

 

-

 

 

“—and then put the dough onto the _anban_ and it will be ready to be pounded with the _tteokme,_ ” Kyungsoo points at the wooden pounding boards and large mallets.

Jongin nods enthusiastically although he mostly just silently taking notes inside his head. Both him and Kyungsoo are now in comfortable clothes, making their rounds inside the rice cake-making space located beside the kitchen. For the past half and hour he has been listening attentively to Kyungsoo explaining the different procedures to make rice cakes. The shop will be open again tomorrow so Jongin needs to at least know the basics before doing it firsthand.

Kyungsoo, Jongin learned earlier is twenty-six years old, just a year older than him. It was shocking, given how young Kyungsoo looks. But now that Jongin is listening to him talking, it proves his age, alright. Kyungsoo sounds confident whenever he is talking about the shop. Jongin knows the man loves what he is doing.

“We are just running a small business here, considering there are abundance of rice cake factories nowadays, producing them in nice packaging in such a short amount of time. People can easily get them at the market too.” Kyungsoo casts a look at the entire room. “But people still come here to taste the traditional made rice cake, since it’s rare nowadays. Our specialties are _songpyeon_ and _sirutteok_. They are the best-sellers!” He beams.

Kyungsoo is generous with smiles, Jongin realizes.

 

 

-

 

 

At _Do Tteok_ , Jongin falls into a routine. He wakes up at six in the morning, washes up, eat breakfast prepared by both Kyungsoo and his mother, Sooae and then get downstairs to the shop and starts working. Although the shop only opens in the afternoon, they start making the rice cakes early in the morning because of the long process. Bulk orders for special occasion will be settled first before making the ones to be sold and served for eat-in. After the shop is closed around ten, they will clean and only then the other workers go home. Jongin together with the Do family will head upstairs, clean themselves and hit the bed.

Jongin is still awkward around most of the workers but they are all fairly friendly and do their best to help him be at ease. There had been several times when they invited Jongin for a night of drinking but Jongin politely declined. He cannot afford to spill anything about himself in his drunken state. What would be their reaction when they find out Jongin is an ex-convict? Ten years in prison at that. They for sure won’t dare to get close to him again. He could also be kicked out of _Do Tteok_. Jongin fears that the most.

“Those years in the gym sure paid off, eh, Jongin?” Kyungsoo’s father, Youngjin asks him out of nowhere, ruining Jongin’s train of thoughts. “You can easily lift a _tteokmu_ and pound the cakes for several batches while I’m here needing to rest every few minutes. I’m old already,” he laments. “It’s also nice having you around to help with housework outside work hour.”

Smiling, Jongin continues pounding the rice cake. He refrains himself from answering that he had nothing to do at the prison so he always ended up working out.

“Well, sorry for not being buff, Dad,” Kyungsoo cuts in. He is carrying a basin full of newly washed glutinous rice.

Youngjin just laughs.

A while later, Sooae calls them for lunch.

Everyone, including the other five workers sit on the large table in the kitchen. Today’s lunch is _galbi jjim-_ braised ribs with chunks of potatoes and carrots. Jongin faintly remembers how he always asked his mother for extra potatoes.

Jongin feels a tug at his heart.

 

 

-

 

 

The nightmares are coming back. It’s been a while since he had one. Jongin wonders if it is because he is finally in his mother’s hometown and his mind is unconsciously stressed out with the fact that he is still not ready to visit his mother’s grave. Jongin sighs.

He just had a hot shower, ready to try and get some sleep when someone knocks on his door.

“Jongin?” comes a soft voice. It’s Kyungsoo.

He opens the door and sees Kyungsoo bundled up in his flannel pants and wool sweater. “I made some tea. Come down and have some with me?”

“Sure,” Jongin nods and follows the smaller downstairs. Jongin figures some hot tea would help with his sleep.

Descending down the stairs, Jongin stares at the small back of Kyungsoo. The man is mostly bashful, but he is not one to shy away from having what he wants. And he gives the prettiest smile when he gets what he wants. Jongin admits the reason he always agrees to whatever Kyungsoo requests is because of those brilliant smiles.

“Let’s sit in front.”

Jongin silently watches as Kyungsoo balances a tray full of a pot of tea, two cups and a plate of dried persimmons. He places it on the wooden patio.

Kyungsoo has started a fire in a brazier so they can enjoy the chilly night outside.

“Where are Uncle and Aunt?” Jongin asks just as they are about to sit down.

“Went to bed already.” Kyungsoo pours the tea. “Dad was complaining about his back pain again. He said he’ll go and get a massage from Uncle Dongseok tomorrow.” He hands Jongin a cup.

Jongin takes a sip. The sweetness is barely there, just at the tip of the tongue. Just the way he likes it.

“These dried persimmons are from that tree.” Kyungsoo points to a persimmon tree beside the wooden fence. It’s night so the tree is barely visible from the patio but they can make out the lonely branches. All the leaves have dried and fallen onto the ground. It’s a common sight during winter.

Jongin’s mouth runs itself before he can stop. “We had a persimmon tree too back at our house.”

Realizing that Kyungsoo is waiting for him to continue, Jongin guesses it doesn’t hurt to share this one memory of his childhood. It’s a nice one that Jongin will always treasures. “When the persimmons are starting to ripen, Mother would sung _Blue Bird_ while watering the tree.” Jongin chuckles. “We didn’t have paddy fields or mung beans like in the song, but Mother would still sung it, hoping the birds wouldn’t eat all the persimmons before they became fully ripe.”

“It’s a nice song,” Kyungsoo replies. “I like it.”

“Me too,” Jongin smiles to his tea. He however can feel Kyungsoo’s impending question. So he answers it before Kyungsoo could voice it out. “Mother passed away six years ago. She had always had a weak heart.”

The silence following is deafening and Jongin is just waiting for Kyungsoo to apologize for absolutely no reason. But Kyungsoo being Kyungsoo, he always surprises him.

“She sounded lovely.”

Jongin wants to sob, but he takes a deep breathe instead. “She was.”

Munching on a dried persimmon, Kyungsoo looks at him again.“Are you having trouble sleeping?”

For a moment Jongin fears that Kyungsoo might have heard him talking in his sleep. Jongin tends to do that when he’s having a nightmare. And Kyungsoo is a light sleeper on top of the fact that their rooms are next to each other. Jongin might have unconsciously giving out too much information of his past.

“You have terrible dark circles these days.”

Jongin visibly relaxes. _Kyungsoo didn’t hear him_. Having no reason to lie, Jongin just answers truthfully. “Yes.”

Kyungsoo hums. “I may not know what is troubling you, Jongin. Nor am I in a position to pry at your personal matters. But you can tell me if you want, Jongin. I can at least listen.” Kyungsoo looks at him with a soft gaze.

Taking another sip, Jongin then lets out a breathe he didn’t realize he’s holding. This means Kyungsoo knows he is hiding something. Kyungsoo sees right through him, and he’s ready to listen. His offer sounds tempting, but this time Jongin has to say no. He is not yet ready. Right now, he does not mind being a coward. He needs time. More time. “Kyungsoo…I—”

“It’s okay, Jongin-ah. Whenever you are ready, yeah?” Kyungsoo flashes him another smile. The tip of his nose is red from the cold.

Maybe Jongin likes Kyungsoo more than he thought. And Jongin will make sure to secure this feeling deep inside his heart. No one has to know. In silence, no one will restrain Jongin, a scumbag from falling for someone as pure as Kyungsoo.

 

 

-

 

 

It’s Monday. And the shop is closed.

Jongin unconsciously furrows his forehead as he concentrates in rearranging the large earthenware vessels at the backyard. Most of them are covered in snow. Inside each of the vessels contain various food that the Do household has fermented for some time.

Lifting the lid of one of the _onggi_ , Kyungsoo scoops out some fermented bean paste into a smaller container. Closing the lid, he opens another one and this time, he takes out some _kimchi_. Kyungsoo then cuts a small slice and present it in front of Jongin’s mouth.

Jongin opens his mouth and tastes the sliced _kimchi_. The cabbage is well fermented with the red bean paste. “It’s soft,” he comments on the texture.

Chewing his own slice, Kyungsoo nods. “It’s ready, then.”

When both of them enter the house again, Sooae calls out for Jongin from upstairs. He hurriedly climbs the stairs followed by a curious Kyungsoo.

“Jongin-ah, come here,” Sooae gestures for the man to come closer. Beside her on the floor is a bundle of clothes. She lifts a t-shirt and spreads it in front of Jongin. “I think the size is just nice.” She picks another one and does the same.

“Are those Dad’s old clothes?” Kyungsoo lifts his eyebrows.

Sooae nods. “Yes. But they are all still in good condition since your father rarely wore them before. You know, since he likes to wear the same clothes again and again for work.” She lifts a denim jacket. “This one is a very old one though. He got this when Kyungsoo was in middle school. Why don’t you try this on, Jongin?”

Comfortable enough around the Dos by now, Jongin just sheds his own shirt and puts on the jacket.

“Oh my, it suits you very nicely!” Youngjin exclaims when he just got out from his room. “Reminds me of my younger days,” he says, a nostalgic expression on his face. “You can take these clothes, Jongin. It’s a pity to just throw them away.”

Jongin can’t help but to smile. “Thank you.”

“And they won’t fit Kyungsoo’s frame anyway, so we figured we’d give them to you,” adds Youngjin in a teasing manner.

Kyungsoo makes a face. “I’m really not your dream son, huh, Dad?”

Youngjin cackles while Sooae just gathers all the clothes and brings them into Jongin’s room.

 

 

-

 

 

“Taeri-ya, another bottle of _soju_ , please!” Minseok half-screams to the bartender.

Chanyeol gulps down a glass of the alcohol and immediately asks for more. “Make it two!” Upon receiving a look from Minseok, he shrugs. “It’s my birthday, damn it. We need more!”

Jongin just makes a distress noise looking at his fellow co-workers getting wasted. He couldn’t refuse their invitation this time. Though Jongin makes sure to only drink a little. He had already asked for a rain check for so many times before. Besides, it’s one of the workers, Chanyeol’s birthday celebration this time and, Jongin could still very much hear the voice from the person himself, “It’s very important”.

But most importantly, Jongin is only going because Kyungsoo is there too. He steals a glance at the smaller sitting next to him. Kyungsoo looks sober. But the tinge of red on his nose and cheeks gives away a sign that he would not last for long.

Taeri, the owner-cum-bartender shakes her head as she puts another two bottles of _soju_ on their table. “You boys make sure to stay sober enough to go home by yourselves. Me and Minhee are not going to send you home again like last time!” She gives a stern look before ruffling Kyungsoo’s hair, muttering, “My poor Kyungsoo getting idiots as his friends.”

Baekhyun, one of Jongin’s co-worker pouts. “Is this how you treat your regular customers, Taeri? Rude. I’ll make sure to tell Minhee about this terrible customer service.” He casts a look at the other said woman who is taking order from another table.

“Minhee is also tired of you guys’ shit,” Taeri deadpans and walks away from their table.

From what Jongin manages to gather, Minhee and Taeri are both best friends who run the bar after they graduated high school. The bar was once owned by Minhee’s sister who quit and moved to the city after getting married. Jongin likes the vibe that Taeri gives off. She’s an energetic and no-nonsense woman. Kyungsoo said before that Taeri might be rough but with him she is like a loving older sister.

Jongin can see why Taeri treats Kyungsoo like that. Who doesn’t love Kyungsoo?

“Hey, Jongin. This is the first time we are drinking together. Don’t you think we are close enough by now?” Chanyeol suddenly looks at him.

Jongin picks a fried squid and munches on it, desperately trying to conceal the nervousness he is feeling at the sudden attention.

“Why don’t you tell us about yourself,” Chanyeol pours him another glass of _soju_.

“Yeah, we barely knows anything about you,” adds Sehun, the youngest of them.

Kyungsoo just quietly looks at Jongin.

“You’re not some kind of serial killer, right? Because that would be really crazy,” Chanyeol jokes. “Should we be scared?” He asks in a low voice just seconds before he slumps his head onto the table.

Chanyeol just meant it as a drunken joke, Jongin knows that. But he can’t help not to feel like someone just punched him in the guts. _Close enough, Chanyeol. Close enough_. Jongin visibly tense. His Adam apple bobs up and down and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Kyungsoo.

Luckily, Minseok indirectly changes the subject by commenting on how drunk he feels at the moment, and that tomorrow they all still have to work. The shop will be opened at the usual hour.

That is enough of a cue to stop their drinking session.

 

 

-

 

 

Neither Jongin nor Kyungsoo has tried to start a conversation since they started walking home together from the bar. It’s strange. Kyungsoo usually would talk in times like this. Jongin doesn’t like the atmosphere one bit.

“You are quiet,” Jongin finally broke the silence.

There are ice everywhere on the side of the road where they are walking on right now. Kyungsoo huddles his coat tighter to his body and continues to walk slowly. Jongin makes sure to pay extra attention to the other man, afraid he would fall again.

“Is it because of what the boys talked at the bar earlier? Is there something wrong?” Jongin tries to persuade Kyungsoo to speak again.

Kyungsoo scrunches his nose. “You didn’t say anything when Chanyeol joked about you being a serial killer.”

 _Oh_. “It’s a joke—”

“Then say something next time, damn it! Defend yourself even if it’s over a measly joke if it so much strucks a nerve!” Kyungsoo bursts out of nowhere that he stops walking. It’s the first time Jongin has seen Kyungsoo gets angry. Kyungsoo stares right into Jongin’s eyes before casting his own downward.”Sorry. I must’ve been quite drunk.”

“Kyungsoo… I—”

“I know you’re uncomfortable earlier,” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath.

Jongin’s whole body feels icy cold, and it’s not because of the weather. “I don’t understand… I don’t understand why would you—” and something clicks in his mind. Jongin feels his blood drains from his face. “You heard me talking in my sleep.”

At this, Kyungsoo’s face turns softer. “A few times already. You were always saying the same thing in your sleep.” He clasps his hands together and looks at Jongin with _that_ gaze again. “I’m sorry, Jongin.”

Maybe Jongin is panicking too much that he starts trembling. Kyungsoo immediately holds Jongin’s hand. “But I still don’t know everything Jongin. The time and space you need that I told you before, you still have them. I’m right here when you need me.”

Jongin doesn’t know how to react. He is at lost for words.

Kyungsoo holds his hand tighter. “Let’s go home, Jongin. I’ll make you some tea.”

They are about to walk again but Jongin pulls Kyungsoo’s hand, making the both of them stop. Kyungsoo looks at Jongin and waits.

“I’m… I’m an ex-convict. Ten years in the prison, Kyungsoo.” Jongin stutters. He doesn’t know why he is telling Kyungsoo this, but he knows he needs to. “I was fifteen when the court ruled me the ten-year prison term. Some—something happened.” He exhales. “But that’s all I can tell, right now.”

Kyungsoo is quiet. Jongin braves himself to look at him in the eyes, and the smaller offers him a small smile.

“And that’s plenty already.”

Letting out a sigh, Jongin almost sobs. “Are you not scared?”

Kyungsoo then stands next to him and they start to walk side by side. “Home is already near. Let’s get some rest.”

Jongin feels a small load has been lifted off his shoulders.

 

 

-

 

 

Kyungsoo haven’t brought the matter again since that night and he treats him like usual. Jongin tries his best to do the same.

He is transferring the rice flour into the _siru_ for steaming when Sooae calls his name. Jongin quickly puts down the empty basin and approaches the woman. “Yes, Auntie?”

“Jongin-ah, can you go to Aunt Sori and get a sack of sesame? I forgot that she called yesterday saying the stock has arrived. Minseok is out for deliveries today.”

“Oh, sure,” Jongin agrees and unties his apron. He sees Kyungsoo doing the same.

“I’m coming with you. There’s something I want to give to her children,” the other man simply states.

While they are walking, Jongin decides to ask Kyungsoo about the thing he’s been curious about. “I’ve only ever seen Aunt Sori with her children. Where is her husband?”

That catches Kyungsoo off guard.

“...Or is it wrong for me to ask that?” Jongin instantly regretting his decision.

Sighing, Kyungsoo shakes his head. “No, it’s not wrong. It’s just that… her husband died in an accident three years ago.” He stops for a second before continuing. “He was an alcoholic. And always beating up Aunt Sori in front of their children. There were always new wounds on her face and hands whenever we went to her store.”

Something is brewing in Jongin’s chest. He takes a deep breathe to calm himself.

“He was drunk driving and hit a tree.” Kyungsoo slows down his walking pace. “This might be rude of me to say, but knowing how much of a bastard he was… it’s a good riddance.”

Jongin feels like he needs to give a response, but they are nearing the store.

When they arrive, Sori’s children, five and seven years old respectively, are doing their schoolwork. As soon as the two boys see them coming, they politely bow to Jongin before excitedly greeting Kyungsoo with a hug.

Halting her process of packaging soy beans, Sori comes up to them, smiling. “You’re finally here.” She takes off her gloves and points to a few sacks of sesame near the weighing machine. “Take one of that.”

Jongin wastes no time to lift one and put it inside the trolley he has brought from Do Tteok. Meanwhile, the children scream happily when Kyungsoo shows them what he has inside the bag. It’s a radio controlled toy car, red in color.

“I was cleaning my room yesterday and found this. It’s from when I was in middle school so it’s a little old but still functioning.” Kyungsoo puts the car on the ground and presses a button on the remote control. The children cheer as the car moves. “You guys can have this.”

This earns another cheer. They thank him and Kyungsoo gets another hug from the young boys. “But promise me that you will finish your schoolwork first before playing and always help your mother with house chores.”

The boys nod enthusiastically and Kyungsoo ruffles their hair one by one. “Good boys,” he chuckles.

“I sure hope they keep their promise,” Sori comments while shaking her head fondly. She watches how Kyungsoo crouches his body and teaches her children how to use the remote control.

Jongin just quietly observes the scene from the side. Sori looks happy, the children too. There are no wounds on her face. It’s insane how once, this woman was abused by her own husband. Somehow, Jongin’s mind tries to make up a moving image in his head of a man beating Sori while their sons cry helplessly in the background for their father to stop.

What he sees in his mind is eerily familiar, taking him back ten years ago. Jongin has to close his eyes to stop seeing it.

“Jongin?” A voice calls him back to reality. Jongin opens his eyes and sees Kyungsoo looking at him with concern. “Are you okay?”

Jongin belatedly nods. “Yeah.”

Though Kyungsoo looks like he doesn’t take his answer seriously, the smaller doesn’t question him any further. He just lightly touches Jongin’s arm. “Let’s go. The shop is opening soon.”

 

 

-

 

 

Jongin can’t sleep. It’s already fifteen minutes to three in the morning. He lost counts of how many toss and turns he’s done. His body is exhausted but his mind is restless.

It’s been a few days since their visit to Sori’s but Jongin can’t stop thinking about what Kyungsoo told him regarding her deceased husband and Kyungsoo’s own view on his death. Jongin really has tried his best to clear his mind and carry on with life like he has always wanted to, but his effort is to no avail.

Giving up, Jongin gets up and sits against the headboard. Few minutes passed and he decides to open the window and read the book he borrowed from Kyungsoo. Maybe some reading and fresh air will help.

After opening the window, Jongin sits comfortably next to it on the chair with his blanket draping around him. The air is chilly but Jongin can handle it. He quietly reads through each lines in the book. They don’t really smoothly makes sense into his mind as he is still having those unwelcome thoughts, but at least his effort is starting to work.

 

 

-

 

 

The first thing Jongin sees when he opens his eyes the next morning is Kyungsoo looking at him worriedly. He feels Kyungsoo retrieving his palm from feeling his forehead.

“You’re burning,” Kyungsoo sighs. “What were you doing sleeping beside the window opened?”

“Hmm…” is all could Jongin muster. The world feels like it’s turned upside down. His head feels heavy.

Supporting Jongin’s body, Kyungsoo helps him walk to the bed. Jongin lies down while Kyungsoo covers his body with the blanket.

“Stay here. I’ll get your breakfast and paracetamol. You don’t have to work today. I’ll make sure to tell Mom and Dad.”

Jongin doesn’t even have the energy to protest so he just say the only thing he could think of. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo sighs again. “You’re not doing anything wrong, Jongin.” He swipes aside Jongin’s bangs.

Jongin closes his eyes again.

 

 

-

 

 

It’s a cold night.

Strangely, Jongin feels like he is sweating. His head is throbbing as he slowly opens his eyes. He sees his mother in the living room, a few meters away from where he is lying on the mattress. She is peeling a basket of dried persimmons, besides her laid a dryer, only half-full of peeled persimmons.

 _Ah_ , Jongin thinks. _It’s that season_.

“Mother,” he calls out to her. But maybe his mother didn’t hear him, as she doesn’t look at him. Jongin pulls away the blanket from his body and sits up. “Mother,” he calls again.

This time, his mother seems to hear him. She looks at Jongin, and then gives him that sweet smile of her. Jongin likes his mother’s smile. It makes her the more prettier than she already is, and happier.

She doesn’t say anything but continue to put a peeled persimmon on the dryer. She starts to peel another one.

Jongin knows they’re to be dried and eaten later in winter, but maybe he could have a bite of the crunchy fruit if he ask his mother nicely. He knows his mother would pretend to be angry but then slice a whole persimmon only for him.

Jongin wants to get up and call for his mother again, but somehow his eyes feel heavy and he drifts off to sleep again.

But it doesn’t feel like he’s been sleeping.

Because the next time he opens his eyes, what he sees is his father beating his mother.

Anger coursing in every fibers of his body, Jongin gets up with much difficulty and runs towards them. “Stop!” he yells as he tries to push his father away from his mother. But with Jongin’s frail teenage boy body, he gets easily pushed away to the floor by the man.

His mother is crying and screaming for his father to stop. But the man yells at her to shut up with his slurred words. He is drunk.

While the man continues to beat his mother, Jongin realizes that out of nowhere, he is holding his newest baseball bat that he bought with his painstakingly saved money. Jongin screams and blows his baseball bat as hard as he could.

The next thing  he knows, his father is lying lifelessly on the floor, body and neck pierced by the shards of the shattered kitchen window. Blood seeps to his expensive suit. His mother is unconscious next to the basket of persimmons.

Jongin wants to call out to his mother, but suddenly there are people inside the house. They are all whispering the word ‘murderer’ to him. Jongin is sweating. The baseball bat slips from his hand and falls on the floor, the loud _thunk_ rings in his ears.

“No… no!!” he screams. _He’s not a murderer, he’s not_.

The more Jongin screams, the more it seems like his voice cannot come out. He screams with all his might, but no sound comes out from his mouth. He cannot hear himself. He cannot be heard.

And among all of the people inside his house, Jongin could recognize familiar faces, they are his neighbors, his school teachers, his friends, his—

 _Kyungsoo_.

 

 

-

 

 

Jongin wakes up screaming his lungs out.

He frantically looks at his surrounding but darkness is all that greets him. It’s night.

A few seconds later someone walks into the room and cradles his face close to their chest. In his hazy mind, Jongin looks at the person. It’s Kyungsoo.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin calls out to him weakly.  “Kyungsoo,” he calls again and again.

“Yes, Jongin, yes. I’m here,” Kyungsoo whispers to him. He wipes Jongin’s forehead with his palm. “Your temperature hasn’t gone down.”

Jongin tries to look at Kyungsoo in the eyes. “I’m not a murderer. I’m not,” he mutters.

Getting onto the bed and sitting beside Jongin, Kyungsoo holds Jongin close. “You had a nightmare. It’s just a dream, Jongin. It’s just a dream.”

“It’s not,” Jongin feels like choking on air. Everything is blurry. “He was beating Mother. I had to stop him. I had to stop him, Kyungsoo,” he starts to ramble. “I was just trying to save ourselves, but the next thing I knew, he was dead on the floor,” Jongin’s body starts trembling. His breathes turn uneven. “I didn’t mean to. I just— I just want him to stop,” he sobs into Kyungsoo’s chest.

Kyungsoo tries to calm him by running his fingers through his hair, but Jongin just cries harder while rambling more things that soon turn incoherent.

But then, slowly, Jongin hears it.

It sounds like a whisper at first, but Jongin registers Kyungsoo’s voice singing a familiar song, a familiar tune.

“Bird, bird, blue bird

Don’t sit on the mung bean field

When the mung bean flowers drop

The mung bean merchant will cry,”

Kyungsoo’s voice is the only thing that Jongin can hear now. Slowly, his breathing pattern comes back to normal. He doesn’t cry as hard and just let the tears fall down his cheeks.

“Bird, bird, blue bird

Don’t sit on our paddies

Bird, bird

Blue bird…”

Throughout the night, Kyungsoo keeps singing in a hush tone and holds Jongin close.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 will be up someday. Hopefully soon. Thank you for reading! And i love comments because comments make me happy and wanting to write more :)
> 
> Say hi to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cheesyume_?lang=en)  
> Or maybe on [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/cheesyume_)


	3. Epilogue

-

 

 

It’s a busy morning as usual at Do Tteok. Jongin can hear the sound of the poundings of the _tteokme_ against the rice-cake on the _anban_ , the yelling of Youngjin ordering the workers around and the grunts of the workers. Chanyeol’s is the most obvious.

Jongin slowly descends the stairs.

“You should be on bed, Jongin.”

He stops in his track upon hearing the voice. Sooae is standing in front of him and looking at him worriedly. She is carrying a tray of a big dough of rice cake.

“I’m better now, Auntie.”

“You still need some rest to completely recover.”

“I’ve rest enough. Besides, not doing anything for the past three days makes me even restless.”

Sighing, Sooae gives in. “Alright, then. But don’t do any strenuous work today. Just help me shape the _songpyeon_.”

Jongin smiles. “Alright.”

Kyungsoo told him before that Youngjin and Sooae already have a hint on Jongin’s past since the night Jongin had his worst nightmare before. They took turns taking care of Jongin in the middle of managing the shop and Jongin would cry and sleep talk. But they still don’t push him to talk more about it. And for that, Jongin is again, thankful.

“Let me take this,” Jongin says before taking the tray from Sooae.

Sooae sighs fondly and ruffles the back of Jongin’s hair. “Tell me immediately if you feel sick again.”

He nods.

 

 

-

 

 

“Do you know why it’s important in making really pretty shapes of _songpyeon_ , Jongin?” Sooae asks while her hands quick in shaping the rice cake.

Jongin hums, thinking. “Isn’t it believed that when you make pretty _songpyeon_ , you would get a pretty daughter too?” Jongin puts a small portion of sesame seeds with honey inside the rice cake and carefully shapes it. Sooae and Kyungsoo are experts in making _songpyeon_. Jongin is always admiring how skillful both of them are and how pretty the _songpyeon_ are especially the flower shaped ones. Jongin on the other hand can only make decent half-moon shaped _songpyeon_.

He looks at Kyungsoo standing across him, hands busy.

Sooae nods. “Yes. When I first married Youngjin I worked hard in perfecting my _songpyeon_ -making skill.” She smiles. But there is something different about the smile although Jongin can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. “Well, I didn’t really mind whether I get a son or a daughter first. But I hoped they’re pretty.”

Jongin looks at Kyungsoo again. “Well, your hard work sure paid off, Auntie.”

“Oh,” Sooae covers her mouth as she realizes what Jongin is implying.

Kyungsoo is positively red in the face at the compliment. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’re pretty,” Jongin says with a straight face.

Kyungsoo just makes an incoherent noise. “I’m going to help Dad, now.” He tries to walk away.

Sooae stops laughing. “Do Kyungsoo, where do you think you are going? Stay here. We have around one hundred _songpyeon_ more to make.” She laughs again as her son grunts at his fail attempt to escape the embarrassment.

Taking a deep breathe, Kyungsoo continues what he left earlier. A second later, he smiles. And somehow it mirrors Sooae’s smile earlier and Jongin doesn’t quite understand. “Well, Mom sure picked the prettiest baby at the foster home, then.”

Certain two words strike Jongin.

But Sooae just chuckles hearing what Kyungsoo said. “You could say that.”

“Foster home?” Jongin is confused.

“Yeah. I was adopted.” Kyungsoo says noncommittally. “Mom and Dad took me in when I was a baby. I didn’t even know who my biological parents were. Well, it doesn’t really matter now.”

“We checked at the hospital and both me and Youngjin were healthy. We tried many years but still I couldn’t get pregnant. At that time, we already had planned to adopt a child so we just decided to go with the plan. And there was Kyungsoo, eyes so bright. We just _wanted_ him for ourselves,” Sooae smiles.

Jongin doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t expect this at all. “Both of you look so much alike.”

“I know right? He grew up more and more looking like me.” Sooae looks at Kyungsoo fondly. “It’s fate.”

All of a sudden, Kyungsoo leans in to his mother and kisses her cheek. “I love you, Mom,” he says to which Sooae laughs and says the three words back.

Looking at the scene in front of him, Jongin feels a smile forming on his face too. “It’s fate. Of course.”

 

 

-

 

 

“That would be 10,000 won,” Jongin informs. He smiles looking at their two elementary student customers frantically counting their money together and then proceed to give Jongin the exact amount. They excitedly wave goodbye to him with a promise to come back later after Jongin gives them their receipt. Jongin timidly waves back.

“I see you’re doing good.” Sehun appears at the counter after he’s done placing the ordered dish to one of the tables.

Jongin looks at the cash register machine in front of him. “Yeah, it’s pretty easy.” Today Jongin is given the task to be the cashier. It’s just been three days since Kyungsoo deemed it’s time for Jongin to learn how to work out the cash register machine. Usually Jongin would be placed at the back to make the rice cakes and only once in a while helps to take the order. Since he’s new to being a cashier, Sehun and Kyungsoo occasionally check up on him.

“Well yeah. Of course, once you’re used to it.” He moves his torso to the left and right, exercising for a little since he’s been doing work non-stop. “But you’re a fast learner, Jongin. Good for you,” he comments again as he moves his body more. A faint _crack_ is heard and Sehun groans. “Shit, my back hurts.” And just then his name is called to the back. Another rice cake set is done, ready to be served. Sehun walks away with a whine.

Jongin just chuckles while shaking his head at Sehun’s antics.

Two customers walk up to the counter and Jongin composes himself again. He’s still wary of people especially strangers but working at Do Tteok has made him learn a bit on how to handle and communicate towards different people better.

As Jongin is ringing up their order, one of the customers, who are both middle-aged women, starts to strike up a conversation with Jongin. Internally, Jongin is sweating. _He’s really not good at this._

“You’re new here, yeah?” The lady in the floral dress smiles. “Are you from here? Did you go to one of the schools here?”

Something about the way the lady smiles makes Jongin annoyed. He doesn’t like it one bit. “Uh… yeah. Kinda? But I’m not from here.”

“You look nice. Do you want to get to know my daughter? She’s pretty. You’ll like her.”

 _Ah, this is what it’s about_. Jongin can’t say he hates it, but he doesn’t particularly like it when he first learned that some parents do this.

“Um, I’m sorr—“

“Quit it, Minsong.” Her friend, the other woman who has been quiet the whole time finally speaks up. “You’re making him uncomfortable.”

“I’m just trying to find my daughter a nice man,” she huffs.

“Why are you so hell-bent to get her married? Besides, kids these days prefer to get to know their partner very well first. They’ll date and have a proper relationship first. Not just blindly marry some stranger.”

Jongin just awkwardly stands behind the counter and watches as the two women quarrel.

“But she’s at the age already!”

“Oh my god, you’re so ancient!”

“I am no—“

“Um... is there any problem here?” A voice interrupts. Jongin thanks the heaven as Kyungsoo comes up to see what the commotion is all about.

“Oh, Kyungsoo. It’s nothing.” The friend smiles and quickly drags the other woman out as soon as Jongin gives them their change. “Later!”

As the two women disappear from sigh, Kyungsoo shakes his head. “The one in floral dress is Minhee-noona’s mom. The other one is Taeri-noona’s.” Kyungsoo sighs. “Minhee-noona’s mom is always like that. She’s a regular here but since you’re always at the back, today’s the first time you met her, right?”

“Yeah,” Jongin nods.

“Don’t mind her. Minhee-noona is not interested in getting married either.”

“Really? Why?”

“Well she has the bar to manage.” And then Kyungsoo shrugs. “And she and Taeri-noona are practically glued to the hips since they start schooling together. They’ve been there for each other until now. She once said to me that getting married is unnecessary since she kinda has everything now.”

“I see.” Jongin goes quiet for a while, trying to soak all the new information in. But then his mind goes to what Taeri’s mother said earlier. Jongin then trails his eyes to Kyungsoo who is now stacking a few containers of rice cakes for a customer. _Does he know Kyungsoo well?_ Not really. Despite having been living together for a while now, he just recently knew about Kyungsoo being adopted. Although Jongin is sure Kyungsoo is willing to tell him everything about himself if he ask. _Does Kyungsoo know Jongin well then?_ Kyungsoo certainly knows the secret he’s been hiding, but for the bigger picture, it’s up to Jongin to let it out in the open.

His eyes then lock with Kyungsoo’s, in which resulting the other to smile at him.

_And Kyungsoo’s waiting. For him._

 

 

-

 

 

The pitter-patter of Kyungsoo’s feet against the floor can be heard all the way from downstairs.

And Jongin has never gobbled down food this fast before. It’s a waste he can’t really appreciate the egg rolls Sooae made for breakfast. He scoops another spoonful of rice into his mouth and chews fast.

“Jongin! Eat your breakfast faster!” There it is, Kyungsoo’s voice loud and clear, nth times hurrying Jongin up from upstairs.

Jongin almost chokes. “Almost done!”

Sooae who’s making another cup of tea for herself just shakes herself. “Just eat your food slowly, Jongin.” And she raises her voice. “And you, Kyungsoo! Why are you in such a rush? It’s still early!”

Kyungsoo groans. “We have to catch the bus! And we want to be back before night!” He walks down the stair halfway before calling out to Sooae. “Mom! Have you seen my beanie? The black one.”

Even though Jongin can’t eat his food properly, he’s excited. Today he and Kyungsoo are going to watch a movie in the city. He forgets the title but he doesn’t really care what it’s about honestly. He’s already happy at the prospect of going out with Kyungsoo. And it’s the first time Jongin’s done it with a ‘friend’. Back then, he’s always busy with his part-time work to and well, he didn’t get to experience high school.

“I don’t know. You’re the one who did the laundry last time.” Sooae shakes her head again. “You already have one on your head now.”

“It’s not for me, it’s for Jongin!”

Closing the water tap, Jongin dries his hand on the towel hanging near the sink. “It’s okay. I don’t need a—“

But Kyungsoo is suddenly in front of him and stands on his tip toes to put the beanie on for Jongin. “You’re so handsome.”

“I…” Jongin is at lost for words.

Kyungsoo smiles. “You’re done eating, right?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s go!”

They sit side by side on the bus and Kyungsoo lets Jongin sit on the window seat. Occasionally Jongin points out at the things that catch his attention and they laugh and smile at each other.

They have to take another bus trip to be able to arrive at the city. Jongin fixes his beanie out of nervousness when they arrive at the mall with the cinema. There are so many people but Kyungsoo holds on to his sleeve to guide him and Jongin calms down a bit.

Jongin holds on to Kyungsoo’s shoulder when they are searching for their seats and he has never been so relieved to be able to sit after that.

Halfway through the movie, as Jongin is intently watching the main characters fight each other, he hears Kyungsoo whispering his name.

“Jongin.”

Jongin turns his head to look at Kyungsoo beside him. “Yeah?”

“I’m cold.”

“Oh. Do you want my jacket?” He’s about to strip off from his jacket but the other man stop him.

“No. It’s okay. But can I sit beside you?”

He scrunches his eyebrows. “But you’re already beside me?”

Kyungsoo just grins before he moves the armchair that’s been separating them away and snuggles up to Jongin. “Is this okay?”

“…yes.” Jongin can feel Kyungsoo’s body heat and he has to remind himself that he’s not some teenager who gets excited just from this mere contact.

Jongin takes a popcorn and shoves it into his mouth.

 

 

-

 

 

“Don’t you think you need a haircut, Jongin?”

Jongin, who’s in the middle of biting the twist potato, shakes his head. He chews it quickly, swallows it and answer again. “Not yet.” He adjusts his bangs under the beanie so that it covers his eyes again.

They decide to walk around the city for a while after finishing the movie. Kyungsoo takes this opportunity to eat some of his favorite street foods with Jongin. There are a lot of stalls along the street selling _hotteok_ , carp bread, and egg bread. They’re good to consume while they’re nice and hot in the cold weather.

Kyungsoo is quiet just looking at Jongin. And now Jongin is concern. “Are you okay?”

The smaller nods. “Are _you_ okay, Jongin?”

Jongin smiles. “I’m happy.”

The smaller can’t help but smiles too hearing Jongin’s answer. “I’m glad.” He uses his finger to wipe off some cheese in the corner of Jongin’s mouth.

Jongin just grins but truthfully, his own answer, however, surprises him. _I’m happy. Wow. Right now, I’m happy_. It’s like Jongin forgets who he is, along with the baggage he’s been carrying all this time. _Am I allowed to be this happy?_

Perhaps he left the monster at home earlier.

 _Home_.

Can he even call Do Tteok his home?

A pull on his sleeve takes him back to reality. Kyungsoo then takes a bite off from Jongin’s twist potato. Kyungsoo hums. “We’ll go home in an hour, okay? There should be a bus around that time.”

Jongin smiles. “Alright.”

 

 

-

 

 

It’s almost dusk when Jongin and Kyungsoo hop off from the bus. It’s getting colder so Kyungsoo walks close to Jongin, trying to share their body heat.

They walk slowly, afraid of slipping on the frozen puddles on the road.

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo calls. The other man hums. “I’m sorry I never talked about me being adopted.”

His pace slows down. Jongin looks at Kyungsoo beside him. “It’s alright. You didn’t have to, actually.”

“But I had to. You deserved to know.” Kyungsoo sniffles. It’s cold. “I just… I never found the right time to tell you. And honestly while I never forget who I am, Mom and Dad always makes me feel like I am theirs anyway. Though more often than not, I find myself thinking that they made a mistake choosing me out of the other babies. And I know I always joke about not being their ideal son, but sometimes that is just exactly what I’m thinking. Dad must’ve been sad whenever he hears that, though he just laughs it off.” Kyungsoo chuckles bitterly. “I’m the worst.”

Both of them stop walking. “You are not a mistake, Kyungsoo.”

“I’m still trying to convince myself that.” He looks into Jongin’s eyes. “You should do that too, Jongin.” And he moves forward again but he suddenly trips on his own feet and almost stumble on the road but Jongin is quick to hold him.

“Be careful.” Jongin looks at him seriously, but then his face turns soft. His hand is still in Kyungsoo’s.

Kyungsoo smiles. He doesn’t let Jongin’s hand go. “Jongin.” He calls again.

“What is it, Kyungsoo?”

“I like you.”

Jongin stops in his track. He belatedly returns Kyungsoo’s gaze on him.

“I really, really like you. Maybe more than that.”

“You…” His adam’s apple bobs up and down. His throat feels dry. Kyungsoo shouldn’t like him. Kyungsoo doesn’t know what he’s into. Perhaps the monster just comes back. “You shouldn’t—“

“Stop! Stop right there, Jongin.” Kyungsoo is now gripping his arm. “I like you and that’s that. That’s how I feel.” And all of a sudden he stands right in front of Jongin, their faces only a few inches away. “I thought you like me too? Or am I reading it wrong?”

Jongin sighs. _He can’t do this_. “I do. And I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo laughs. “Why are you apologizing? Should I say sorry too?”

“No, don’t—“ and everything he’s about to say is stuck in his throat as Kyungsoo stand on tip toes. His face is so close and he smells nice.

And the last thing on Jongin’s mind just before Kyungsoo closes the distance between their lips is how he should thank the heaven or whatever gods there are to let him taste a bit of this happiness.

 

 

-

 

 

There is a blizzard tonight. It’s always the case at the town when winter is nearing the end.

Jongin makes sure to close the windows before he steps out of his room and walks to the bedroom next to his.

One. Two. Three knocks.

He doesn’t realize he’s been holding his breath while waiting until Kyungsoo’s face appears as soon as he opens the door to his bedroom.

Smiling, Kyungsoo opens the door wider. “Come in.”

The wind howling outside can be heard clearly. The closed windows rattle for a few moment. It’s quite scary.

Jongin walks in with careful steps before he sits on the bed. It dips under Jongin’s weight. It has been a few times where Kyungsoo went into Jongin’s room in the middle of the night when he heard Jongin’s cries because of his nightmares so Kyungsoo came to calm him down. And they would fall asleep together till morning. So earlier Kyungsoo suggested for them to just sleep together since it’s easier. Jongin had blushed at first. This is the first time they would sleep together properly. And Jongin is a lot more nervous since they admitted the feelings they have for each other.

“What are you doing sitting there? Come here.” Kyungsoo calls and Jongin looks at the other man fluffing the pillows.

The tanned male crawls beside Kyungsoo. He chuckles looking at Jongin fidgeting on the bed so he gives him a peck on the mouth. “Sleep, Jongin.”

And just as he’s about to lay down his body he sees the quilt Kyungsoo just took out from the cupboard. He stops in his track.

Kyungsoo looks at him who’s staring intently on the material in his hold. “What is it?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s just… Mother used to make quilts that she would sell some of them to the neighbors. We had tons and they’re all colorful.” And then he sighs. “I’m sorry. That was sudden. I just remembered it looking at the one you’re holding.”

He doesn’t expect for Kyungsoo to sit back and look at him softly. “You seem to have a lot of fond memories of her. I’m not forcing you, but… don’t you think it’s time for you to talk about everything that has happened?” His adam’s apple bobs up and down. “Do you want to talk?”

Jongin tries to throw the guilt away. “Is this a good time to talk?”

The smile Jongin gets is reassuring.

The wind howls again. Maybe it’s time for Jongin to finally share what has been haunting him.

Jongin plays with his fingers, unsure on how to start. “Mother… she— she’s not supposed to marry my father.” Jongin exhales and lifts his head to look at Kyungsoo. But the other looks back at him eagerly, waiting. “He came from a family who owned a conglomerate company. They met a year after Mother left her hometown, _this_ town to work in the city. They had a secret relationship. And then Mother found out she was pregnant. He told her to get an abortion but Mother didn’t want to. So he sent her away. And so after that, she raised me all by herself.” His throat and lips feel dry, so he licks his lower lip. Jongin thinks he’s a bit thirsty, but no. _No_. Maybe the words are flowing out of his chest, slowly leaving him empty. But Jongin can’t stop.

“You know, it should be fine, since he didn’t really have any connection with us anymore after that. But—“. He huffs when the memories come flooding in. “But when I started junior high he started to come by, trying to persuade us to leave the city. I wasn’t too sure, but most probably his family knew about us so he tried to make us leave to save himself. He’s always been scary whenever he came, all I remember about him was his scornful face, and his loud voice. So one day, when I was fifteen, that night… he—“

Jongin balls his fists on his lap and Kyungsoo swallows whatever it is that’s building in his throat. Slowly, he touches Jongin’s arms, and upon receiving no resistance from the man, he snakes his arms around Jongin’s. “Jongin, you don’t—“

“I want to tell you.” Jongin sounds firm even though his whole body is shaking. “I want you to know.” He takes another deep breathe before continuing. “That night he came drunk and just started beating mother while cussing. He— he asked why didn’t she just get rid of me when he told her to.” _And the dam breaks_. Jongin closes his eyes for a second, trying to stop the tears but it seems like it isn’t a dam, but a whole ocean. Kyungsoo’s hold on his arm tighten. His own eyes start to tear up.

“And then I saw Mother’s bruised face with blood coming out of her nose, and I lost it. I don’t know… I don’t remember getting my baseball bat and hit him. When I came to my sense he’s stuck on the shattered window glasses that broke while they were fighting. And then he fell down on the floor and…” Jongin takes a moment to breathe. “Someone might’ve heard all the noise and called the police. And I guess his family didn’t want people to know one of their family members was abusive, on top of having a family not from their social status. I didn’t get to defend myself and got thrown into the prison. Lucky though that I was a juvenile so I didn’t get the death penalty.” Jongin huffs.

His breathing is even again. “On my fourth year there, Mother passed away without having any terminal illness. I guess she’s in too much pain nevertheless. People really do die due to invisible wounds and heartache.”

Looking at Kyungsoo, Jongin wipes away the tears on the man’s face. “I wonder if I’ll be like that too one day.”

A tear makes it way on Kyungsoo’s cheek again. “Jongin, no—“

“But everything follows me to my sleep, Kyungsoo. The nightmares… I don’t know how to stop them. And sometimes I think it follows me when I’m awake too. What I’ve done… I probably deserved it.”

Kyungsoo grits his teeth. “You don’t deserve any of that, Kim Jongin. You are _not_ at fault.” He wipes his own tears and holds Jongin’s hand in his. “You were just defending your mother and yourself. You had no choice. And listen here, Jongin. When someone love you, they won’t leave you, and they won’t hurt you, or leave you miserable.” He cradles Jongin’s face in his palm.

And something tells Jongin that Kyungsoo isn’t just talking about his father anymore.

“He hurt you and your mother.”

Jongin places his head in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck when the tears are coming again. He hugs Kyungsoo close. “Why did he do that? Why?” Now that he has finally told someone, Jongin realizes just how _angry_ he is. _Why couldn’t his father just love them? Why couldn’t some people take care of what they’ve brought to this world themselves?_

The arms winding around his body feels soothing, and Jongin closes his eyes.

“Jongin.”

“Yes.”

“The time we’ve known each other might be short but I know. I know you’re a good person. Mom and Dad think the same too. What matters the most right now is what you are doing. And your heart. You have a good heart.”

Jongin sobs hearing that. Someday, he would like to believe that. He desperately want to. “Kyungsoo,” he calls.

“Yeah?”

“Is it okay?” He tightens his arms around Kyungsoo too, in case the man might slip away from him, but upon realizing that he doesn’t have the right to stop Kyungsoo, he loosens his hold again. “Is it okay for me to love you?”

“I told you be—“ but Kyungsoo cuts his sentence and takes Jongin’s arms, signaling him to tighten his arms around him again. “Yes, Jongin.”

“Even after all that I’ve told you? After what I’ve done?”

Jongin feels a kiss on top of his head.

“Yes.”

 

 

-

 

 

The asphalt is steaming. Jongin wipes his forehead and it’s then he realizes he’s sweating. He looks up at the sky and immediately covers his eyes with his palm. The sun is glaring.

Jongin looks around. _What is he doing here?_ He’s lost. The street and buildings are familiar but he can’t figure out his purpose of standing there.

He looks down on his body. _Oh_. He remembers it now. He’s thirteen, just coming back from school for a quick lunch at home before he has to go for his shift at a diner nearby. He walks some more and finds himself arriving at his house. He opens the door and sees his mother greeting him with a smile. For some reason, Jongin’s heart aches.

He lunges forward and throws himself into her embrace. “Mother,” he sobs. “Mother, I’ve missed you.”

Somehow it feels like he hasn’t seen her in years.

But his mother just chuckles. “What’s with you? We just haven’t seen each other for a few hours though.”

Jongin just buries his head in the crook of her neck. “I’m sorry. I’m not a good son. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

He feels his mother pats his back slowly. “Are you alright?”

His eyes feel hot. “I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

His mother cradles his face and Jongin stares into her eyes. They look bright. And _alive_. “Jongin-ah, you are a good son. You are always trying your best, and for that I’m so thankful. I’m so thankful for having you in my life, Jongin.” She places Jongin’s head back to the junction of her neck and continues patting him. “It’s going to be okay.”

Jongin hugs her tighter like she’s going to disappear any moment. And he calls out to her a million times before she kisses his cheek and Jongin lifts his head to find her smiling at him.

And suddenly he hears the sound of the wind howling.

 

 

-

 

 

Jongin opens his eyes.

It’s dark and cold. He’s breathing harshly and it takes a moment to realize his cheeks are damp with tears. He’s about to sit up when a pair of arms just encloses around him and his head is pulled into a chest.

He’s shocked, but a second later the reality kicks in and then he winds his arms around Kyungsoo.

The last thing he hears is the sound of the wind passing by through the lonely trees outside before sleep consumes him again.

 

 

-

 

 

The local bank is quite crowded today. But it has always been like that around this time of the month. People come to check their accounts or withdraw money after being paid for yet another month of working. And Jongin together with Sehun and Baekhyun are not an exception.

The receipt is printed out and Sehun takes it away, grinning. He stuffs it into his wallet and joins Jongin who’s standing in line behind Baekhyun whose turn to use the ATM.

“I’m going out with my friends to watch movies and buy new clothes next week.” Sehun huffs excitedly. Jongin just looks at him uninterested.

“You have friends, Sehun? Unbelievable.” Baekhyun comments, not looking at them while he navigates through the machine.

Sehun kicks the older on the shin. “Shut up. My life is not as boring as yours.” He looks at Jongin then. “I’m still salty that you went out with Kyungsoo-hyung last time without inviting me.”

Jongin groans. _This_ again. “You said before that you’re not interested with that movie. You said the ratings sucks.” Jongin didn’t really have friends before. And now that he got to know the workers at Do Tteok and spending time together, he wonders if this is how friends are supposed to be like. _Are friends usually this whiny?_

“Still, I would like it if you invite me. Though I won’t go.”

Baekhyun gives Jongin a pat to indicate that it’s Jongin’s turn to use the machine. He looks at Sehun’s sour face. “It’s clear that they just didn’t want to invite you. Have a little shame, brat.”

“What? Why?”

It’s Baekhyun’s turn to groan. “You’re so slow.”

Jongin just shakes his head and tries to drown out their voices. He focuses on the ATM. A few times keying in numbers, and he stands still, confusion all over his face as he stares at the numbers glaring in front of him.

“You okay there, bud?” Baekhyun’s voice breaks his trance.

“Oh, yeah.” Jongin gives the other a small smile before he takes back his card.

The three of them walk out.

 

 

-

 

 

“Where’s Uncle?” Jongin asks, out of breath though he tries to compose himself. He walks as fast as he could after separating from Sehun and Baekhyun earlier.

“Oh, welcome back, Jongin.” Kyungsoo is standing in front of the stove and Jongin winds his arm around Kyungsoo’s waist and gives him a peck on his lips to greet back.

He used to be embarrassed about his feelings, his desire to touch his lover all the time but Kyungsoo has said numerous times, while laughing that it’s alright. So Jongin has become more comfortable and expressive.

He watches as Kyungsoo brings a spoon to his mouth, tasting the broth of the _samgyetang_. It’s for their lunch later. Kyungsoo then brings another spoonful of broth to Jongin’s mouth and he tastes it. Jongin hums. “It still needs some more salt,” he comments.

“Right?” Kyungsoo nods more to himself before looking at Jongin who’s patiently waiting for his answer. Kyungsoo smiles like he knows something. “He’s at the back with mom. Go.”

“Alright, thank you. I just need to confirm something.” He makes his way to the back door. He can hear the voices of two people having a conversation, and then laughing together. And it becomes clearer as he’s nearing the patio at the back.

The sight that meets him makes him all fuzzy inside. Youngjin is rearranging Jongin’s shoes beside Kyungsoo’s on the newly built wooden shoe rack. He remembers saying they need a new one and Youngjin said he’ll make it. Sooae is sipping on her cup of malt rice tea.

“Uncle. Auntie,” Jongin calls.

Youngjin and Sooae both turn their head to look at Jongin. “Oh, Jongin! Look! The shoe rack is done!” Youngjin exclaims proudly. “It looks pretty decent, right?”

Jongin laughs. “It looks great.”

Sooae then laughs excitedly and hands Jongin a paper bag. “You can put this there now.” Upon looking at Jongin’s confused face, she smiles. “A very belated birthday present. You should tell us so we could celebrate it on time, Jongin. Thank god I asked Kyungsoo about this.”

He takes out the box from the paper bag and opens it. It’s a pair of new shoes. Jongin falters. “Oh, you really didn’t have to. But… thank you so much.” He pauses, remembering what he came here for in the first place. “Umm… Uncle, I just came back from the bank. About my payment…”

Youngjin smiles knowingly. “Anything wrong with it?”

Jongin fidgets. “It’s… a full payment. It’s supposed to be half like before.”

The older man looks at Sooae, both of them smiling and then they give Jongin the same look. “Me and Sooae have discussed together and we think that you deserve it. That’s going to be the amount you’ll receive starting this month.”

Jongin is at loss for words.

“You being here have been a great help to us. And you’re a good kid, Jongin. It doesn’t feel right to pay a family any less. The room, the food, and everything here are yours just like they’re ours.”

Jongin feels his throat drying and his eyes hot again.

_Family._

They consider him a family.

Jongin has been crying too much lately that he thinks he doesn’t have any tears left. But there they are, flowing freely on his freezing face. He can hear Kyungsoo coming from behind and whispers his name but he’s too busy crying to answer. It’s embarrassing, but Jongin can’t stop. And suddenly he feels Youngjin enveloping him in a hug.

The old man rubs his back. “Our second son, Jongin.” Youngjin’s palms are warm against his back. “Thank you for being born.”

Jongin cries harder.

 

 

-

 

 

 _High-school student Kyungsoo seems like he played around a lot_ , Jongin thinks. He flips through another page of Kyungsoo’s old school notebook and immediately lets out a chuckle upon seeing yet another doodle, this time of a meat bun with eyes and legs on the lower right of the page. Earlier, Jongin got very excited after getting Kyungsoo’s permission to go through Kyungsoo’s large box filled with old stuff, mostly personal belongings when the man was in school. He wasted no time to get to know a younger Kyungsoo, while the smaller man is having a bath.

Tonight’s temperature is a lot warmer than the previous’. The season is changing and Jongin is enjoying it a lot.

Jongin hums a song that Kyungsoo recently always sings. He doesn’t remember the title but Kyungsoo has said it’s an English song and it has been stuck in his mind for a while. It’s weird, and new for Jongin— how some of their habits rub off on each other.

He is about to flip on to another page when something falls off from the page and slips under the bed. Jongin quickly gets down and crouches to get it. He sees what he’s looking for, but something else, similar to a bottle of lotion lying under the bed also catches his attention. He reaches his hand and takes the thing belong to the notebook. Jongin smiles. It’s Kyungsoo’s student ID. He definitely looks younger there but nothing really changed. He puts it back into the notebook, closes it and then proceeds to reach his hand again and retrieve the bottle.  Jongin takes a look and he reads the label.

A few seconds pass and upon realizing what it is, Jongin’s body freezes before he snaps and puts it back under the bed as fast as possible.

It’s lube.

Jongin huffs, scolding himself for getting curious. But the lube looks like a good half of the amount is used, and his mind is starting to imagine the things Kyungsoo has done using the substance. Jongin takes a deep breathe. His body is starting to get hot. Oh dear, now is really not the time for this.

He almost yelp when the door opens and Kyungsoo walks in with a towel on his hand.

The older man laughs. “What’s with you?”

“Nothing.” Jongin clears his throat. He places the notebook back inside the box.

Kyungsoo squints his eyes looking at Jongin. “Why are you blushing?”

“Huh? What, no!” Jongin shakes his head and tries to appear cool. He gets on the bed, trying to act like he’s preparing to sleep.

Kyungsoo lets out another laugh before hanging his towel near the closet. “Did you find anything weird in the box?” He then gets on the bed and playfully sits on Jongin who has covered himself inside the blanket from head to toe and a muffled ‘no’ is heard. He pulls on the blanket to reveal Jongin’s face and proceed to give the taller a kiss on the mouth. “But I don’t think I keep anything weird inside it though.”

Pulling Kyungsoo’s face closer to him, Jongin smashes their lips again. The kiss is longer this time. They break apart, and Jongin internally groans. Kyungsoo is so close to him, and he smells so nice on top of looking soft and fluffy in his oversized pullover. And Jongin has never wanted something so bad. He gulps. “Actually…”

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows. “Actually…?”

“I found something under your bed earlier. It’s l… lube.” Jongin hates how he stutters but he can’t help but feel embarrassed to even say the name. He can feel himself reddening again.

“ _Oh_.” Is all Kyungsoo says before he turns red all over, matching Jongin.

Jongin thinks he’s at his limit tonight. They have never gone past intense make-out and frottage but that doesn’t mean Jongin didn’t think about advancing once. He braves himself to look at the other in the eyes. “Tonight… can we…?”

Kyungsoo flashes him a smile. “Alright.”

They kiss again. This time with more eagerness. Jongin sits up and sneaks his hand under Kyungsoo’s pullover, with another hand creeping inside the pants, feeling his palm full of Kyungsoo’s soft bottoms. His hold tighten when Kyungsoo’s knee accidentally touches his hard-on.

Pulling apart, Jongin takes off his own shirt and pants and helps Kyungsoo to do the same. He might be a little bit too excited that he puts too much force in pulling the other’s pants that Kyungsoo also slides across the bed.

Kyungsoo can’t help not to laugh. “Easy there, tiger.”

“Sorry,” Jongin replies, ashamed. He tries to be calmer. “But you have to teach me, though. I don’t really know…”

“It’s alright. I’ll show you.” The smaller smiles again looking at Jongin’s triumphant face as he successfully takes off the pants from Kyungsoo’s legs, leaving his underwear on. “Can you get the lube?”

“One sec,” and then without getting off from the bed, Jongin reaches his head and hand under the bed and retrieves the bottle of lube. Kyungsoo is laughing again, must be because of the weird position he is now.

Taking the lube from Jongin, Kyungsoo then slowly takes off his underwear. “Let me prep myself first.” Kyungsoo must suddenly feel self-conscious, as he is redder than before, especially his neck and ears.

It’s so endearing to Jongin. “You are so pretty.”

He watches as Kyungsoo pours the clear substance on his palm, spreads it on his fingers, before spreading his own legs and puts a finger slowly inside his entrance. Jongin watches closely how Kyungsoo pulls his finger in and out, before instinctively places his palm on the other man’s thigh when Kyungsoo puts another finger in. Jongin starts to rub his palm on Kyungsoo’s thigh when the man whimpers softly.

“Can I do it?” Jongin asks. Upon receiving a nod from Kyungsoo, Jongin squeezes a generous amount of lube onto his own palm, and then carefully takes out Kyungsoo’s fingers and replaces with two of his. Kyungsoo moans.

A few minutes pass before Kyungsoo calls out his name. “You can put another one.”

Kyungsoo hisses as Jongin follows as told. He takes his time to crook his fingers inside and scissor around. After a while, Kyungsoo’s moans turn louder. “I’m ready. You can put it in.”

Jongin takes his fingers out and pulls off his own boxer, revealing his full hard-on.

“I’ll help you put on the condom.” Kyungsoo tears off the packet and rolls it on Jongin’s cock. He pours some more lube onto it and Jongin moans as Kyungsoo pumps it with his hand. Pushing Kyungsoo to lie on the bed, Jongin fits himself between his thighs and slowly pushes in. They moan in unison before Kyungsoo cradles Jongin’s face in his palms and kisses him with much fervor.

“Wow.” Jongin comments as he tries to focus on Kyungsoo’s face in the midst of the sensation he is feeling.

Kyungsoo laughs. “Wow what?”

“It feels so good.” Jongin puts his face in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck and peppers butterfly kisses there. He goes down further and starts to lick a nipple. Kyungsoo positively moans, he presses Jongin’s head closer to his chest, encouraging Jongin to do more. Sucking on the nipple, Jongin uses his other hand for the other one. He can feel Kyungsoo’s hole slowly loosening itself down there.

“You can— faster, Jongin.” Kyungsoo pleads.

It’s a pleasure itself, to watch Kyungsoo comes undone under him. Kyungsoo, _his love_ , splayed all for him only. He is becoming more and more selfish, Jongin realizes. But it’s alright, he thinks. As long as Kyungsoo allows him to be. Jongin thrusts more forcefully, picking up the pace. He takes Kyungsoo’s left leg and positions it on his shoulder and tries to change the angle to search for the one spot that will have Kyungsoo screaming.

It’s when he pulls Kyungsoo’s lower half off the bed that Kyungsoo cries out loud.

“There, Jongin!” And Jongin thrusts into the spot over and over again, with Kyungsoo also trying to move his hips with Jongin’s pace, although he can’t do much with the position. Jongin loses count on how many times Kyungsoo calls his name in the middle of his strings of _ah’s_. He pumps Kyungsoo’s cock in pace with his thrusts, and Jongin knows he’s doing a good job when more precums starting to come out from the smaller’s cock and Kyungsoo begging for more.

Kyungsoo comes unannounced, toes curling and his back arching.

“Shit,” Jongin unintentionally curses as Kyungsoo tighten around him, and he spills himself over. He slows down his thrusts, riding the orgasm.

Exhaustion coursing through their whole body, Jongin slumps over Kyungsoo for a second before lying beside the smaller. He looks at Kyungsoo, both of them are breathing unevenly. Slowly, Jongin touches Kyungsoo who’s still shaking from the intensity of their love-making. He pulls him closer and kisses him on the mouth.

Kyungsoo whines, but moves closer nonetheless.

Somehow, after they’ve calmed down, they look into each other’s eyes for a second and laughter erupts from both of their chests. Too contented.

 

 

-

 

 

He’s woken up by the sound of some birds merrily chirping. Slowly, Jongin opens his eyes, squinting because of the sunlight hitting his eyes. However, he’s fully awake as he notices Kyungsoo is sitting beside the window, a few hickeys visible on his neck.

Kyungsoo is peacefully gazing outside the window with his bed hair, that Jongin almost feels guilty for calling out to him. But the older quickly turns to look back at him, seemingly happy that Jongin is awake too.

“What are you looking at?” He stretches out his hand across the space where Kyungsoo slept beside him before. He misses him in his arms already.

Kyungsoo looks back outside. “We can see it from here. The plum blossom— they’re about to bloom.”

 _Ah_ , Jongin thinks. When plum blossom are about to bloom, they can only mean one thing.

Maybe Jongin is in too deep, but the sunlight illuminates Kyungsoo perfectly, that Kyungsoo looks all the more angelic than he already is. And Jongin is sure his heart skips a beat when Kyungsoo turns back to look at Jongin again, this time with a smile.

“It’s spring.”

 

 

-

 

 

The bus rattles a few times and Jongin’s grip on his bag tightens every time. He checks the time on his wristwatch. Still early.

He lifts his head and realize that a child, around five year old who’s sitting in front of him has his back turned and is now staring at Jongin very intently. It feels awkward so Jongin tries to cover his eyes with his bangs only to remember that he has a new haircut now. Jongin rubs the back of his neck, feeling the baby hairs there. The new haircut is the shortest he’s ever had, courtesy of Kyungsoo, so he has nothing to hide himself in. So Jongin gives the child a small smile, to which the child cheerfully returns.

The mother of the child then chastises her son to sit properly and Jongin is thankful that he listens to her and quit the staring.

The bus turns on a corner and Jongin looks outside. He smiles looking at all the spring flowers; the bright yellow of forsythias, pink azaleas, cherry blossoms, peonies, and cornelian cherries in full bloom. Truly, spring is a season of colors.

He makes a mental note to ask Kyungsoo later if it’s okay for them to visit the park sometimes soon to see the flowers up-close.

Ten minutes later, Jongin pushes the button and the bus comes to a stop. He gets off.

Jongin walks some more before arriving at his destination. He takes a deep breath.

The cemetery looks fairly clean, maybe the graveyard keeper had just cleaned and trimmed the grass yesterday. Jongin stops in front of a headstone. Slowly, he opens his bag and takes out some stuff. He puts a persimmon on the altar, and then, he smiles, despite his shaken lips.

“Hello, Mother.” He swallows the sand suddenly appearing in his throat. “Sorry I took so long to visit you.” He exhales. “I’ve missed you, a lot.”

Strange, Jongin thought he would surely cry on his first visit today, but he doesn’t.

“You see, there’s a lot of things I want to tell you but I think you’ve known everything anyway. You’ve been coming into my dreams a lot.” He chuckles.

“I’ll tell you the important things. I’ve found it— the thing that makes me want to keep on living. I also realized it now, that it’s the very same thing I keep inside me for the very beginning, for you. And from you to me. Mother, I… I love you. And now I have another small family who makes me feel the same thing for them. And every day it seems like the feeling grows. And knowing that they love me back, just like how you were toward me, is the greatest strength ever to me. And one of them, Kyungsoo— he’s everything I dreamed for. He has his fair share of pain, but Mother, he’s so full of love. He’s wonderful. I’ll bring him with me next time.”

Jongin heaves out a big contented sigh. It feels liberating, to finally let go. “Oh, and there’s… there’s also a persimmon tree where we live. A big one. I’ll make sure the birds won’t eat them too.” He pauses.

“Mother, I think I’m doing good. And I want to continue being good. You’re right. I think everything’s going to be alright.”

 

 

-

 

 

When Jongin arrives home later in the evening, Kyungsoo greets him with a hug and a ‘well done’ whispered to his ear. Jongin smiles and kisses Kyungsoo’s neck before burying his head there. Kyungsoo then continues to talk about what they would have for dinner.

In the back, Jongin can hear Sooae nags at Youngjin, who, once again bought a sack of soy beans in an attempt to perfect his tofu-making skills, despite failing every time.

Jongin realizes— no, Jongin _knows_.

No matter how harsh winter is, the snow will melt and the plum blossom will bloom again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done! Thank you everyone for reading till the end ;__; I apologize for any mistakes i know this fic lacks a lot but i'm still continuously trying to improve so any feedback is welcomed!  
> (p/s: when i was starting to write the smexy scene, Flightless Bird, American Mouth (wedding version) by Iron and Wine, the holy wedding song started to play followed by I choose You by Sara B. you bet your ass I teared up hhhhh)
> 
> Comments and upvotes are very much appreciated, pretty please :D
> 
> Catch me at my [twitter](https://twitter.com/cheesyume_) and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/cheesyume_).
> 
> Until then, take care!!


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